Dianne Feinstein is running for reelection, and, like most candidates, has a candidate statement in the Voter Information Guide.

She writes:

As a member of the Judiciary Committee, I remain vigilant in safeguarding the civil rights of all our citizens and am unwavering in protecting a woman’s right to choose against all assaults.

I somehow interpreted this as “a woman’s right to decline all assaults”, and imagined it’d go something like this:

“Would you like a garden-variety mugging?”


“Would you like to be bum-rushed by a psycho wielding a meat cleaver?”

“No, thank you.”

“What about five ninjas?”

“I’d rather not.”